Tuesday, June 12, 2012

The Bachelorette 8 Episode 5: West Virginia Hood Rat Backwoods Time

The show starts out with Emily and Ricki exploring London, in adorable outfits of course. Then we see the guys, getting the scoop from Chris Harrison and his dapper scarf. Three dates, a group date and two one-on-one dates. If only college algebra was as simple as Bachelor math. The guys got into their date card pow wow, Arie wants the date, Kalon thinks it should be him and it goes to Sean. Jef refers to himself as the group datemeister, before Kalon spews word vomit. One-on-one: Sean They walk around London and take a lot of cute pictures. We learn Sean hasn’t been on a date in five months, Emily wants to know why. She proceeds to tell him, “Guy that usually look like you are boring.” Thankfully, she confirms he is not boring, and he carries her purse, which is awesome. A random guy in the park, asks Sean to talk about love, coincidental? I think not, he said some really great things though, and Emily loves it!
Sean and Emily touring London.
Photo Source: ABC
The second part of the date is in a prison, as Emily’s voice is failing her. King Henry VIII brought his wives to the prison and beheaded two of them. I wonder what they did? Emily jokes if he didn’t play his cards right, he might be next.
Emily drops the kiddy bomb, she wants A LOT of children. She asks Sean, “how many kids do you want?” He thinks two is a good number, but is “open” to having more. He better take that times three for Emily, and his future family of gorgeous Gerber babies. The date ended with a lot of kisses, I really like these two together. Group Date: Shakespeare Chris: Has a sword fight with Travis. Arie: “Nurse Arie,” Emily worries about how he will take his role. Ryan: Dissed Arie a lot, but overall didn’t say anything offensive to Emily. Alejandro: Feels lucky about his costume, and getting to be Romeo. John: His part is with, “Nurse Doug.” Travis: I love this guy, seriously he cracks me up. I still miss Shelly, the egg. Kalon: Takes this WAY too seriously! He tells Emily to leave so they can rehearsal, wow. He said, “You can run along.” Last time I checked, this was Emily’s show. Doug: Fears he will sound like an idiot in front of an audience. Alejandro, Ryan, Kalon and John get to play Romeo. Kalon swears he was born to play this part. Poor Arie has to play a nurse, but who wouldn’t want to have him as a nurse? No one, except Ryan.
Emily and "Nurse Arie."
Photo Source: ABC
Emily appreciates Arie playing the nurse. Ryan plays Romeo, and Emily is laughing the entire time. He kept kissing her, which was so awkward. I’m surprised Shakespeare didn’t come back from the dead for that moment. Most of the guys (Arie), fail to tell Emily about Kalon. In a way, I don’t blame him. How many times during this show, have you heard, “Just focus on us, don’t worry about anyone else.” If he would have told about Kalon, their time would have been dramatic.

Travis, Wolf, Emily and Kalon.
Photo Source: ABC
Ryan pulls her away and tells her he has a plan. She is scared, and tells him he is rotten. He gives Emily a nice turquoise necklace, which is really sweet, it is her favorite color and type of jewelry. On another note, when did he have time to get that? Ryan’s redemption begins. Chris and Arie talk about Kalon calling Ricki baggage. This means Arie didn’t know everything, especially before their one-on-one time. Doug the “Hulk” rolls up his sleeves and tells her about Kalon’s comment. The Downfall of the Kalon Empire: Emily said, “I want to rip off his limbs and beat him with them.” Then goes on to say, “I wanna go West Virginia hood rat backwoods on his ass.” This has to be one of the best lines in Bachelorette history. Doug calls for the intervention, and tells everyone to set down, and Kalon was the only one standing up. Emily asks him, “Do you have anything to say for yourself?” “Let me talk, I love it when you talk, but when I’m done, I got that line from you.” Emily told him. He had nothing to say for himself, so she told him to “Get the f*** out.” We see Emily walking out with her producer, Cassie. Kalon got the boot and was sent home in a van. I don’t think he was upset that he got sent home, but that he didn’t get to stop at Burberry on his way to the airport. No one got the group rose. To play Devil’s advocate, it has absolutely never benefited anyone to rat on another person. The best example: Ben telling Emily O’Brien to “tread lightly,” when warning him about Courtney. Jake still chose Vienna, even though Ali warned him about her. The lead usually takes it as a personality conflict, when someone doesn’t like another person. I believe the situation is different with Emily, but it just hasn’t helped in the past. One-on-one: Jef Time for tea, actually this is a two-on-one with Jean. That woman is something else, but I really love their outfits. Jef is getting so annoyed by Jean, which is funny to watch. Emily says, “I would rather put one of those cakes in my pocketbook and roll on out.” Everything Emily says, makes me laugh. I’m sad we didn’t get to see this side of her on Brad’s season.
Emily and Jef finally kissing.
Photo Source: ABC

Jef tells Emily he stuck up for her, and says if Ricki is baggage, “She is a Chloe handbag.” I liked this and was confused at the same time. What guy knows this? Maybe he has a very fashionable sister, or googled it? If Ricki was Louis Vuitton luggage, I think Kalon would have loved her. Emily and Jef have really great conversations, and are really cute together. Thankfully they kiss at the end of the date, she might pick him, but I just can’t see the chemistry yet. I really like he said, that he would have a dance party with Ricki. Their relationship is fun, he has her back, wants to be her best friend. I think it is crucial to be best friends with a significant other, it just didn’t seem like Emily was as happy as I thought she would be. This may have been because she was sick. I would be happy if they ended up together. Cocktail Party: I really enjoyed John “Wolfster’s” pants. Arie and Emily had their worst conversation to date. Ryan continues his redemption, have a good moment and they kiss. Sean tells Emily he would have stood up for her, they are so cute. Besides Arie, this is the person who she touches the most. Rose Ceremony: Arie looks very concerned, but it isn’t like she is going to send him home. Jef and Sean already have roses. Doug: Of course he gets it first, he stuck up for her. Ryan: He is making a comeback, obviously the guy isn’t the worst in the world. Chris: He didn’t get ridiculed and he is the one who told Arie about Kalon. John: Wolf stayed neutral throughout the drama. Travis: He is such a good guy. It is between Arie and Alejandro, this is obviously a no brainer. Arie didn’t stand up for her so he got brought down a notch. Did Alejandro ever talk to Emily? He had a respectable exit, I hope the guy finds love. She almost gave Arie a heart attack. I find it extremely interesting that there isn’t any FRC footage. At this point, there is usually some sort of teaser. Something dramatic must happen at the end. I heard the final three were sequestered, if that is true, it could be anyone or no one. I can’t wait to see. What are your thoughts? Please comment or tweet me at @BachelorExpert. Xo, Ashley

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