Wednesday, February 19, 2014

'The Bachelor' Juan Pablo: Episode Seven

“We’re going to Miami, welcome to Miami.” Juan Pablo goes home where there just happens to be cameras on my favorite person, Camilla. Juan Pablo and Camilla jump in the pool and then he tells his family how much he loves Sharleen. The best part about this is him calling Sharleen an “Oprah (opera) singer.” If she was, you would get a sure, you would get a sure and YOU would get a sure.

Juan Pablo greets all of the women in their suite and hands the date card to Sharleen. She is super confused and finally realizes the date is for her.


We learn that Sharleen has not spent much time in Miami and that Juan Pablo is not her type. I completely believe Juan Pablo is not even close to being her type. Sharleen you are gorgeous and have perfect eyebrows but you can’t have Ames taste on a Juan Pablo budget.

It could not be more fitting that he and Sharleen makeout in the ocean, because we know how well the water worked for Clare. I guess they did not do anything that he wouldn’t want Camilla to see.

Back at the suite Sharleen has a talk with resident therapist, the lovely Renee.


Nikki asks what are they doing and Juan Pablo said he knew she was going to ask that, but really what are they doing? That question is legitimate, Juan Pablo. They go to a flower shop and Juan Pablo proceeds to tell Nikki she is going to get to meet Camilla, his parents and Carla. It is totally cool to meet your date’s child, parents and baby momma on the second date.

Camilla has her dance recital and it is even more apparent she is the star of this show. Can he pick someone, ABC pick a Bachelorette and we just continue this with Camilla and her dance crew? She is totally my spirit animal.

On another note, how gorgeous is Carla? It wouldn’t be fun to date someone with a child, but it would be brutal to date someone with a baby momma who looks like that. Camilla continues to be my favorite with her Cheetos. The next day is Carla’s Birthday and I can’t help but wonder if Juan Pablo would send her home too.

The date continues at Juan Pablos office also known as the Marlins stadium and it is confirmed that Nikki was not given wardrobe ideas. Baseball throwing and the plunge neckline do not mesh very well. I hope she had some double stick tape nearby.

Sharleen decides to leave and in my memory I can’t think of a time a Bachelor didn’t try to get someone to stay.

Group Date

Andi shows up with her fishtail braid as if she wasn’t already my favorite.  Chelsie just happens to have a stack of letters and a photo album on her, which is totally normal. Better yet Chelsie decides to read parts of the letter and it is pretty much everything Clare has done.

Clare and Juan Pablo talk about hometowns and I think he is terrified that she has that many sisters.  If you dump her, they are going to find you. Clare reminds us that her father made a video for the person she marries and I just hope she does not give it to Juan Pablo.

According to Clare, whoever gets this rose is a clear front-runner and oh the awkwardness when he does not choose her, but picks Andi.

Later on, Andi is wearing a fabulous outfit and shoes but has to dance. Juan Pablo is really pushing the dancing thing.

Back at the suite

Nikki comes down to see the women after they return and I am convinced she is just looking for Andi, who is still continuing her date elsewhere.  I learn being checked out isn’t being fake. Clare talked about how she felt Andi needed reassurance and Nikki walked away.

Then the most entertaining exchange in recent Bachelor history occurred:

“Did you sleep in here?” “Did you pay for it?” “Did you sleep in here?” “Did you pay for it?”

Cocktail Party

Obviously all of the women asked themselves “WWVGD” which is What would Victoria Grayson do? Put on your Revenge best and let’s do this. Clare and Nikki awkwardly are alone for a few minutes and I don’t think anyone has been this happy to see another person.

Rose Ceremony

Andi has a rose and then the order goes: Nikki, Clare and Renee.

Chelsie goes home and the only consolation prize is bungee jumping after eating Venezuelan food.

Next week is a TWO DAY Bachelor event! Hometowns and fantasy suites are all in one week, so how am I supposed to survive?

Who is your favorite? Also, who should be the next Bachelorette. I can’t wait to live-tweet next week so if you aren’t already following me you can here: @BachelorExpert.



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